5 Things I’ve Learned While Having Pneumonia
Some may say that life is a precious, fragile thing. But I would not say that- rather, it is our idea of life that is precious and fragile. We exist alongside a concept of who we are and how the world works. For example, my self-concept includes the facts that I am Heather, I like vegetables and running outdoors, and my favourite asana is King Pigeon. Once in a while, something happens that breaks our illusions either piece-by-piece, or entirely.
Many of us have been experiencing this phenomenon simultaneously with the new concerns surrounding the global pandemic. Many of us have asked, “Without my job, routine, or social life, who am I?” I call this phenomenon illuminating. Over the past 8 months, I’ve experienced ongoing health concerns regarding my respiratory system, and while I’ve been sick before, this time has taught me a heck of a lot more than any time before.
First off, I want to say that I am doing well and working with my doctor. I am confident that I am on the road to recovery. I want to make this clear because, while this has been a very strange time for me, I know that what I’m going through is not even close to as challenging as what other people (or super-heroes) face. And beyond my fortune of circumstance in terms of what I’m dealing with, I also have the benefit of being a white woman. Women of colour are very often not given the same quality of healthcare as white woman, and are also often not even taken seriously when they describe their symptoms. This is a topic that I would like to go further into another time. But I think it’s important that I acknowledge to myself, and to you, that I am doing well and I should be mindful that others are not as fortunate.
Throughout this period, I have been unable to exercise, walk for more than 10 minutes at a time, spend time in the heat, practice pranayama, sometimes unable to cook my own meals, shower, and more. This was a wake-up call not only for my health, but also for my sense of identity. Who is Heather without her work-horse habits? And how do I cope with stress without exercise?
I actually feel very lucky for all of the lessons I’ve learned through this experience. I want to share the highlights with you because we all undergo varying levels of uncomfortable change. I want you to know that if you are struggling you are not alone. After you’ve read the list please head over to the comment box or e-mail button and share with me your thoughts and feelings. I know you’ve had your share of powerful experiences, and I know you can teach me, too.
Here are my highlight lessons from having pneumonia:
1. ) A person’s value is not determined by their productivity
Internally, when we accomplish a goal we reap the benefits of the brain’s reward centre. What about when you no longer feel capable of accomplishing goals? Sometimes we aren’t feeling well enough to work on a project, make a meal, or even shower. Does someone without those abilities deserve less kindness, less opportunity, less respect? No. So, neither do you.
Mantra: I am enough exactly as I am
2.) A growth mindset can ground you in motivation and positivity
Imagine planting a seed. If you say “this is a seed and will always be a seed because it cannot change; no amount of sunlight or soil will help it.” This is a fixed mindset, and it can actually stunt our development. Alternatively, the growth mindset sees what the seed can become. When you see what you can do, instead of what you can’t, it puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life. Unable to practice some of my most cherished self-care rituals, I have found options that work for me. Instead of deep breathing exercises, I practice mindful breathing. Focusing my attention on the quality of my natural breath coming in and out has been relaxing, which is much-needed. A rest plan is still a plan.
Mantra: I am reaching my goals every day
3.) Your body is your oldest friend
Our bodies, through their structure and function, have assisted our mental and emotional development throughout our entire lives. Think about every time you’ve laughed with a loved one, and how your lungs supported all of those experience. Every time you’ve danced at a concert, your hips made that possible. As is so typical, it is often not until we lose something that we realize its impact. Any resentment or fear towards our bodies can dissipate when we appreciate how much work they do for us. My lungs are working to repair themselves. I came up with a little game that goes like this: think of one body part - any body part. Think about what it does for you, and how it shows up in your daily life. Try to list 5-10 ways it supports you. You can write it down, list it mentally, or share it with a friend. For example, my lungs help me breathe, talk, laugh, sing, and regulate my mood when I feel tense.
Mantra: I honour what every part of my body does for me
4.) Your relationship to yoga is like two puzzle pieces that fit together uniquely and perfectly
Each yoga practice is as unique as the practitioner. So, when you’re looking at popular yoga publications and wondering why you don’t look like the person in the pictures, don’t stress. The reason you practice yoga and your path to samadhi are individual and personal to you. All of the exercises you use should respect your needs. You may even compare yourself today to how you practiced yesterday. Any comparative, competitive mentality is washed away when you honour your own self exactly as you are right now. Because you are dynamic, so too should be your practice. Yesterday, I went surfing. But today, I am on a mountain. Will I still take out my surfboard? No. Observe your mental and physical state to apply the appropriate practices.
Mantra: I am true to who I am
5.) Health comes first
People will (kindly) invite you out, (with the best of intentions) encourage you to go to your limits or past them. You will feel tempted because that’s what you used to do and that’s what you want to do. This experience has given my body a megaphone. It tells me whether I can do it, whether I should do it, whether it’s worth the risk. You know your body, so listen to your gut first. It may be the case that teaching that yoga class or attending that event is just not worth it. Health comes first and we can find respectful ways to honour that boundary.
Mantra: I honour my needs